A week away from Shanghai and acting as a job. Not a lazy ladie's lifestyle.

Well, a number of learning questions have developed since my last blog. (Oh blog, what a loser word, who came up with it?!) I have been back at Toi for, ooh, over 2 months now and I have participated in another devised workshop with Gene Peters, a great way of giving me more tools for devising, I've workshopped the beginnings of my solo, presented my research (still in the process of writing up the paper) and now I, with Guy, Shadon Meredith, Emma Ransley, Annie Ruth and Jonty Hendry are making a devised wotk for the Asia Pacific drama School Conference in Shanghai.
Our purpose is strong and we are making something that will be a product of a work in progress I think. I've loved working with these ladies and gents, and the challenges physically for me as an actress have been FANTASTIC! One of my goals this year is to challenge myself with my body and extremities and, well, I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Annie, through her wonderful skills in Anne Bogart's viewpoints, has pushed me to my limits in a great way.
The guys are so generous and though it was a slightly weird way to start - sort of felt like we were comissioned to make a work! - it has been a highly gratifying and demanding experience. Emma is constantly questioning the choices we make and I am starting to feel more of a sense of ownership (funnily enough one of the words we're exploring in our piece) over my work because I know we have distilled those moments, broken them down and really made sense of them so that we CAN talk to them!
So, here I start again with my 'blog' this diary of my learning which I 'intend' to continue after I come back.
I am tackling questions of joy, impulse and vocal connection at the moment and will be taking these questions into solo, Caucasian Chalk Circle (already a project that is inspiring me to work twice as hard... and challenge - the biggest word of the day - my acting choices)
Today at Toi, despite a lot of people battling the cold and flu, including my runny-nosed self, we got up and did 2 monologues for a mock audition panel comprising of Jonty, Rachel, Susan Wilson and Jacob Rajan. In retrospect, I feel rather good about them. Both were rushed but I felt for the most part, I was connected to my thoughts and body with sufficient changes in thought. But what is it that makes me hold back just that little bit and not settle into myself?!
Is it because the joy of acting and WANTING to act so extreme that the audition is full of nerves and desperation. Don't get me wrong I wasn't completely retarded but I didn't allow myself to perform at 110% and for that, I'm annoyed at myself and now questioning what questions to take into an audition. How to cater these questions for every different practitioner I audition for. No more lazy, under cutting acting thank you very much.