I am in Melbourne. Another country. So like Wellington, the weather is temperamental at best. I'm sitting in my Aunty Nicole's dining room, having my 2nd coffee of the day and listening to Ladyhawke's 'Delirium.'
I've chosen to write because I've just finished a show, and about to embark on a new one, and I think it's the perfect opportunity while I've got room to breathe to reflect and generate and keep my education alive. Because, that's the only way that someone like me gets any better. As much as it irritates me in some ways, I suspect I will be one of those actresses who blooms later in life. My gritty roles and successes may well come a bit later. At this time, I have to do all I can to work towards that time and enjoy life. Not get worried about things.
I got offered the first audition I've had for screen in over 6 months. It was for a TV series for toddlers - 'Giggles.' When I watched the tapes of the previous seasons, my first thought was 'This is the antithesis of what I've been taught for screen acting" and my second was "do I want to be cast in a kids show" Now - these seem like nego thoughts but I was thinking about what the learning would be in it. I turned up there with some wings, and a wand. Walked into the Gibson Group offices, party decorations up for their xmas party, and nerves washed over me
and I remembered back to when I auditioned for drama school the first time and my Mum (thankfully in the end) intervened and I wasn't featured in the GG doco. There's been a part of me that has always wondered whether that has affected whether I get auditions or not. Anyway, I was sitting there, a lovely smiley woman said they'd be a few more minutes to set up. So I sat there, got out my diary and wrote down what I needed to do to do a good audition. And then in my brain popped Sophie Roberts' voice. Thank God.
See, I was cast in 'Christ Almighty' - A fundraiser for BATS. Sophie cast me as the Angel Gabrielle - 2nd monologue in. Has a fight with her boyfriend 'God'
I had many an idea for this - playing her as all the Oscar Winners I could think of (would've been interesting) - having her as a South Afrikaan Footballers Wife - and... A Frida Kahlo-esq/Penelope Cruz Spaniard.
The latter was the one decided on. We were asked to learn lines before rehearsals started. I barely made a dent in them for my first one. I was furious with myself. Because, it slows one down, it doesn't help matters progress and I was working with Soph - a friend - but also an artist I really respect. She wasn't angry or nothing. It was a personal standards thing.
So the next couple of rehearsals, I progressed. I worked on building the character up. And I don't know why this happens. But I feel like every time I've got a new project, it takes me a couple of weeks to remember that I really enjoy the work on the story, the character, the given circumstances, the text meth, the embodying. And in this instance, I was nervous about being strong in my physicality which - to begin with - made me really sad. Because in Steamboat, doing a little unpaid community theatre, I was not afraid to make bold choices, and I knew I did a fantastic job with Beatrice, Winifred and Ethel. I was exceptionally confident.
Soph and I talked a little about it, and my final rehearsal with her before our dress, I was owning the stage. Martyn came in and watched and I just had fun and stayed in that long neck, strong torso, strutty physical offer that is reminiscent of my flamenco days.
I went away feeling quite good. The next step was the Chapman Tripp Theatre Awards, and boy, was that week Hellish! I was up to my eyeballs in admin for it. We got to the day, ran around for a bit, I was in charge mainly of looking after the presenters, sitting in the front row and handing out envelopes with the winners in them. Thank sweet biscuits I was not inebriated. I was actually strangely nervous. SO much work had gone into it. But it was great, there were a couple of tooo long speeches. But other than that Peter Hambleton gave a stupendously moving speech, crediting his ma and late father for his work and the support of his whanau making him the artist he is. Then when Soph won, I was so very very proud. She gave a speech that was all her but very clear, succinct and funny. I got a shoutout! 'Angelmine. Help me Rhonda'
Finally, I could breathe a bit when the awards wrapped up (after a bloody stupid offer of soph and I having to sing in the finale. Fail) And we collectively thought the Museum Hotel Chef was a total babe. Mmmm French men...! I digress. Anyway, we had the Ruth Pretty meal. Average at best. And then really got on the turps/dance floor action. After ripping it up to Smokey Feel, we headed over to the Garden Bar/ Club Ivy and ripped it up over there, flirting with everyone, had a joyous time; catching up with, ignoring, wooing people - just generally fun> I have splashes of talking to the Wrays, dirty dancing with Paul Waggott, mimicking Lady Gaga with Jess Sanderson, having glamourous smoking area times with La Roberts and Sam, getting new friends to buy me drinks. You know, generally owning the area! At some ridiculous hour, I had a pashfest with a childhood friend who wanted me to go with home with him. Thank goodness i didn't follow through. Awkkkkward. Especially considering I often work with one of his parents... Fail. Epic fail.
Anyway, I made my way back to the hotel, to find Soph, Branwen and a couple of Musos drinking the minibar dry. Ahhh! I refused to pay for it. I think, however, I have. Punch.
At about 7am we all leapt over the road, to the beautiful xmas tree Rob McHotty Larsen design and jumped on the beanbags. As Sophie leapt into the fold, we heard a squelch, a squeal -upon removing said beanbag, there was a homeless man beneath sleeping.
So, we had a virtually no sleep. The next day was spent watching dvds at the Hambleton's - and the next day (getting to the point, finally) was my opening night of 'Christ Almighty' and I felt wretched. Very ill, with an incredibly sore neck. We had a dress rehearsal and I felt shocker. I said to Soph as much, I needed to preserve energy. Which was fine, but I got in front of my cast for the run and it. was. shit. I mean, truly appalling. I was under-energized - ok, knew that would happen, - but I was terrified. I mean, I was not standing behind any of my choices. It was the strange sensation of feeling kind of numb on stage. Sophie gave me a rark up. And these words will stay with me for some time I believe. 'You have to come out with the energy of someone who doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks. You have to find where ever your confidence lies and bring that energy on stage from beginning to end' So.... That's it actually. That's the key beneath me doing a strong performance and a mediocre one. Not apologizing for my work. And I tell you what, I succeeded. Every night, I gave myself a new focus, and I enjoyed the freedom of enjoying the stage, the space, the connection with the audience. The challenge if the Innkeeper didn't quite get the audience understanding the contract between us and them, to do that job as well as my own. And you know, there were people that LOVED it and people that were indifferent but that's OK. I felt like I did sexy, provocative work and was strong in that. And, you know what, not everyone likes what I do. I just have to remain confident. And make an offer. A strong offer. Because I fail otherwise. I fall when my offers are not backed up.
So, a Spanish accent, some Spanish text and strong physical offers made me a force to be reckoned with. Tres proud of self.
Me as Angel Gabrielle
So, building to my point. I gave myself a talking to in the Gibson Group waiting room. I said 'just be confident, you may need to go bigger to then go smaller. Make an offer or three'
...
Yesterday afternoon, trudging around Chapel Street with Mam and Nicky.
I found out I got the 'Giggles' job. So there you go. It may not be my dream job. But I am honoured. And I surprised myself.
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